Ain’t No Sunshine When He’s Gone

It was the worst day of my life. There was no smell of coffee greeting me at the top of the stairs. There was no coffee waiting for me on the table. In the kitchen, there was no coffee brewing, there was no coffee at all. The darkest, saddest and coldest day of my life.…

Ten Reasons Why I’m Wrong To Be Happy

1. You aren’t happy, so no one else should be either 2. You see someone’s happiness and it makes you sick 3. You are just a bitch 4. No one has ever been nice to you before 5. You have ugly hair 6. Your mom didn’t cuddle you when you were a baby 7. You…

He’s A Creep, He’s A Weirdo

Let’s pose a question: Where do you find the bigger creeps? On the internet? Or in real life? I can guarantee you that I’ve met scarier people in real life than I have on the internet. The internet can be a scary place and with enough effort, people can find out where you live. They…

It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To

It would be the worst thing in the world if no one remembered your birthday. I can picture people sitting in the bar and crying over it. (and crying and crying and crying.) If you do have friends, maybe you need to remind them it’s your birthday. Start planning it weeks in advance. Never shut up…

Five Ways To Avoid Being Clingy

Mother always told me to never call a guy and to wait for him to call. Lame, I’m calling dudes whenever I want, but I’m independent, so I know the line. (Why do I hear laughter?) 1. You don’t have to see or talk to your guy every day. If you haven’t slept with him,…

The Loneliest Christmas

I may be alone, but I’m not in the middle of horrible grief. I may be alone, but I’m grateful that I haven’t buried a parent (well, not in more than a decade at least), husband or child. I may be alone, but at least I’m not in a coffin. There is nothing lonelier than a…

Tattoo? Or Not Tattoo

Da plane? Wow, how old am I anyway? Yep, old enough to remember Tattoo was a person. I will admit that there are people that have gone entirely overboard on the tattoo culture, your face? What on earth? I have no explanation for the lack of love you must have for yourself and your image…

Ok, Five Reasons Why I Hate This Bitch

1. Cute pics of her and her husband, every day. 2. Smiling? Really? Eff off with your joy. 3. Hotdogs for every anniversary? One and two was cute, we’re done. 4. Helicopter and plane rides? Bite me. 5. She looks so damned happy? Screw her. Aw, I’m kidding. I’m happy for my lovely, singing and…

An Experiment With My Insanity – The Sphincter

I’m lucky enough to have ridiculous friends and we have loud and obnoxious arguments about various topics. If you’ve never heard a woman yelling, “there is NO sphincter in the vagina,” we need to hang out. We proceeded to Google the human body and its friend, the sphincter. If you talk enough about vagina and…

How Jealous Am I?

Look at this young couple, adorable. He leans in to talk to her, she smiles, they laugh. She fluffs his hair, he pulls her closer and says “what the hell is this blonde chick looking at?” Anyhow, I get to look at some sixty year old cleavage now. “What the hell is this blonde chick…