Why I Don’t Vaccinate My Children

1. I’m an idiot 2. I don’t like poking holes in my children 3. Needles are scary 4. I like when my kids get sick and almost die 5. I like wheelchairs 6. It’s funny watching my children suffer 7. I like getting other people really sick 8. I want everyone to get sick and…

Wow, You’re So Fat

“Wow, you’re so fat.” These words stopped me in my tracks and I just stared with disbelief at the person who said them. You’re a f*cking bitch, I said, as it took everything I had not to jump the fence and smash her face in. I stood there numb as the words to a new…

Three New Ways To Show Kindness

1. Calm the f*ck down. Don’t worry, we see how important you are! Look at you in your Honda Civic with no muffler, clearly, you are king of the world. You have super important places to be and you don’t care who you kill, you have to be there faster than everyone else. Wanna guess…

Dear Doctor Nobody

I think it is funny when sanctimonious, know it all’s go ahead and decide that I have a mental illness. “You must be bipolar” Oh, must I be? You do realize that doctors that diagnose these illnesses have gone to school for years, right? You have known me for six minutes, you read something I…

The Sad Clown

I believe the best comedy comes from those battling the biggest demons. As a defense, they use humour just to get through their day. Yes! This IS a good thing, it’s awesome to laugh your troubles away. Sometimes. The sad part about this is they really can’t be themselves with anyone, ever. They have their…

Coping With A Lost Spouse

Firstly, I’m sorry you lost your spouse. I hope you’re doing ok. With the relationship ending suddenly, you likely didn’t come to hate them as you may have had they lived. Think about it, another thirty years with that person? Ya ya, sounds wonderful to me too. Since you were once loved so well, and you’re so young,…

Five Things To Do Before You Turn Fifty

I am about to turn 48 and I need to do something radical. To be honest, I’m bored, while it’s fun being called an infertile old hag and a whore, it doesn’t cause the adrenaline rush you may think. Before I turn fifty, I have to accomplish these five things. I want to sing to…

Four Ways To Make Your Life Shorter

Everyone always goes on about how short life is, but truly, I’m looking at this eighty-year-old and he sure doesn’t feel that way. He wanted to die ten years ago when his money ran out, but nooooo. Every frigging day that he wakes up, he’s pissed. So I came up with a few ways to…

The Three Times Laughter Is The Best Medicine

Lately, I have heard these words many times. There are many horrible moments where laughter can ease the tension in people, and I truly think the comedians of the world should take advantage of that. 1. At the hospital. You may be at the hospital for hours, days or even months. Nothing better than joking…