The Three Times Laughter Is The Best Medicine

Lately, I have heard these words many times. There are many horrible moments where laughter can ease the tension in people, and I truly think the comedians of the world should take advantage of that. 1. At the hospital. You may be at the hospital for hours, days or even months. Nothing better than joking…

Sooo… You’re Dying, Let’s Make It Fun!

The first thing you should do is anything and everything to make yourself happy. If it’s at the expense of people who aren’t about to drop dead, screw ’em, you’re dying. Let’s prepare a care package for your ex. Let’s send him all your cats! All of them and make sure to buy a couple…

Tell Me, What Have You Left The World?

Let’s say I’m dead, a big old bag of dead. What have I left the world? My children, I have amazing kids, big deal. With their artistic and musical nature, they are providing nothing but joy to those around them. Some tired furniture, a book collection and a seemingly fire-proof pile of credit card bills.…

Dear Cancer Care Ontario

I appreciate your letter advising that I don’t have cervical cancer, that is fantastic news. Cervical cancer sucks big bag. In saying that, I would like to bring your attention to several things. Your unmarked envelope with the words “confidential – only for the addressee” made me ill. It was an immediate, uncontrollable and unexplained…

If I Was Married Fifty Years

I’ve scrubbed more shit skids out of a grown man’s underwear than I care to imagine. I’ve seen a man throw up, walk into walls and stumble his ass into bed. I’ve seen him refuse to go to the doctor’s, for the simplest thing, to the point it drives a person insane. I’ve seen him acting…

In Case I Get Alzheimer’s

I thought it would be a good idea, in case I get Alzheimer’s, to write down some memories that are dear to me. I’m not expected to get Alzheimer’s, and no one in my family has had it, but I don’t want to lose these memories. When I was a kid my dad would take…

Rest In Peace To My Uterus

Yep, the bitch turned on me, I’ve been pretty good to her too. I took care of her, she let me down. Hard. While I’m not regretting the loss of my childbearing years, no, **laughs for hours, no, I’m pretty good with that. It’s just menopause is really not nice. Menopause is a screaming, unpredictable child…

I Miss Lipstick!!

I’ve not worn any make up in about two months, I stopped because my mascara dried out and I didn’t want to shell out the five bucks. That was all I wore at the time, mascara and eyeliner. I stopped wearing foundation, lipstick and eye shadow a few years ago. I stopped because I decided…

When No One Loves You

This is a terrible feeling of desperation and grief. I picture an elderly lady in an old age home, forgotten by her children and friends. Alone she sits, for days on end, hoping that her child will visit. They never do. I picture a child reaching for a mommy too busy to share a hug…