Five Reasons Dogs Are Not People

So yesterday I spent a good five hours in a heated conversation (with lunatics) about how I must be an animal abuser for calling a dog a dog. Look, I called it a dog because it’s a dog, not for any other reason. Loving an animal as much as a human does not make it…

Parenting Groups Are For Stupid People

Recently I found a Facebook group for parents and gleefully spent hours there until my sudden demise yesterday. They kicked me out? Yep. Kicked out. No warning. No nothing. There wasn’t even a reason for it, they’re just mean. Well, ok, if you’re going to name your daughter Mayhem, I’m going to tell you you’re…

Seven People That Need Punched In The Crotch

While there are hundreds of people who individually need a punch to the junk, I’ve isolated seven personalities that really, really deserve to keep ice on their crotches for a good week or more. 1. Those that call me a feminist. This makes me laugh. If I had my way, I’d let my man take care…

The Sad Clown

I believe the best comedy comes from those battling the biggest demons. As a defense, they use humour just to get through their day. Yes! This IS a good thing, it’s awesome to laugh your troubles away. Sometimes. The sad part about this is they really can’t be themselves with anyone, ever. They have their…

Coping With A Lost Spouse

Firstly, I’m sorry you lost your spouse. I hope you’re doing ok. With the relationship ending suddenly, you likely didn’t come to hate them as you may have had they lived. Think about it, another thirty years with that person? Ya ya, sounds wonderful to me too. Since you were once loved so well, and you’re so young,…

Are Your Children Embarrassing?

Kids do a lot of annoying things that look ridiculous to adults, ok, it’s everything they do. Your instincts to stop them from being silly and embarrassing are strong, I get that. I am asking you now to get over it. Don’t roll your eyes, don’t ask them to stop and don’t tell them they…

The Loneliest Christmas

I may be alone, but I’m not in the middle of horrible grief. I may be alone, but I’m grateful that I haven’t buried a parent (well, not in more than a decade at least), husband or child. I may be alone, but at least I’m not in a coffin. There is nothing lonelier than a…

If Not For My Kids

There are so many things I would never have done if not for my children. We were talking today about holiday cartoons and I realized how lucky I am that I was able to extend my childhood through my kids. Not only that, since they were little boys, I was able to see everything from…

What To Do If Your Newborn Is Really Ugly

Wow, if you Googled that and got here, I feel really sorry for you. Do you think your little darling is ugly? Are they all wrinkled and red? Hell man, all newborn babies are ugly. They were just squished down a three-inch wide tube. Are they three inches wide? No, they are not, so of course…

Maybe Children Aren’t Innocent After All

If you believe in reincarnation, then you agree that a baby could be the reincarnation of a very evil person. This child could be a reincarnated serial killer, rapist or worse. We think babies are innocent, but who actually knows! Your baby could be a reincarnated Hitler. No, no, not YOUR baby, your baby is a…