So yesterday I spent a good five hours in a heated conversation (with lunatics) about how I must be an animal abuser for calling a dog a dog. Look, I called it a dog because it’s a dog, not for any other reason. Loving an animal as much as a human does not make it human. Dogs are not your children, yes, even though you can’t have children of your own, that doesn’t magically make animals human.
Dogs are not human. This is a fact.
Here are five actual reasons why dogs are not people.
1. Dogs eat their own shit. Do people do that? I have never seen a person sniffing around their backyard and eating shit. Never, I’ve never heard of it either. It does not happen.
2. Dogs clean themselves and their puppies with their tongues. When people give birth, do they lick down the baby? Here I am, all licking down the baby. No, just no.
3. Scruffy spends half his day licking its own balls. Do you do that?
4. I have never once stuffed my nose into my friend’s asshole. I’ve never stuffed my nose into a stranger’s asshole, in fact, I keep my nose out of assholes as a general rule.
5. When I take my dog on a plane, it goes into the cargo section. It’s not sitting with me on the plane, it’s not having a nice Chablis in first class, it is in a crate.
When people start eating shit and licking down their newborns, talk to me…. Until then, dogs will be dogs and people will be people. They are not the same.
PS don’t get me started on the word “Fur baby”. Just don’t.