Parenting Groups Are For Stupid People

silhouette-1923656_1920 (1)Recently I found a Facebook group for parents and gleefully spent hours there until my sudden demise yesterday. They kicked me out?

Yep. Kicked out. No warning. No nothing. There wasn’t even a reason for it, they’re just mean.

Well, ok, if you’re going to name your daughter Mayhem, I’m going to tell you you’re stupid.

If you ask for unusual baby names, I’ll provide such ideas as Muddle, Jabberwocky, Beepityboopboop,

If you say you don’t know what to do when your kid is hungry or hot, I may say something sarcastic like “are you fucking stupid?”

Other gems:

My son got Lyme disease from a tick bite but I didn’t give him his antibiotics correctly, did I make it worse?

My kid hasn’t pooped in so long that he cries and passes out from the pain. Should I take him to the hospital?

I can’t wait until my son is two so I can pierce his ears.

My son is so pretty people think he’s a girl, so I dress him like one.

Can I eat pastrami while pregnant?

I have the itchiest vagina, any tips?

Pic of my son’s poop in the comments!!

When can I start giving my baby candy?

My sister told me to iron my baby clothes to kill the germs.

My personal favorite: if you breastfeed, you’re a slut. (Hey, that’s a six-word story!!)

I’m going to miss being part of the community, I think I was really helping.

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99 thoughts on “Parenting Groups Are For Stupid People

  1. Are those seriously things people have said!? *Facepalm* Reminds me of the movie “Idiocracy”. Like a previous commenter said, these people shouldn’t be part of the gene pool!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Loved it. I’m a member of a couple of parenting Facebook groups. None are that bad. They are mainly posts in which mothers post pictures of rashes and other medical symptoms asking for advice. Why ask non medical professionals for medical advice? – Bonkers really. I am sure the Facebook group is worse off for not having your wise interjections. Pen x

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Many years ago someone rather earnestly told me a phrase which I have never forgotten, it’s brief and concise, short and sweet yet VERY profound and goes like this……………

    ……..”beware of stupid people”, you could paraphrase as ‘do as they do, do as they say and you could get into trouble or worse.’

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hahaha, oh this is great! :’) So sad they kicked you out, this could have led to so many more hilarious posts!

    By the way, how come is it possible for every idiot to reproduce, yet some people, who would make great parents, find so much troubles on their path to parenthood?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Those comments are so funny and not to mention stupid! I feel bad for their kids. I almost feel those people shouldn’t be parents. I mean it’s not hard to create a kid but it’s hard to raise one. 😁

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I laughed at many of these.

    As a new parent, I appreciate the support of others. But then there are some parents who take it to extremes. I’d probably be kicked out of the group as well.

    These sound like the same parents who got the wipes warmer and special trash cans for the diapers. And it’s these parents I worry about encountering as fellow parents for Shortcake’s (not her real name) classes when we get to school.

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. Hilarious!

    I never thought to join parenting groups when full-time and single parenting.

    I might have been just as sarcastic if I had the experience you’ve laid ot, and then kicked myself for being there, and kicked myself out of the group.

    I’m ecstatic for you lack of membership.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh my GAWD! This was AWESOME!!!! I agreeee!!!! I’m in one of those groups and I don’t why because I don’t need anyone to answer my questions about my kids I mean WHO REALLY KNOWS what the fuck they’re doing as a parent anyways?! If I don’t know the answer, neither do you because you don’t know my kids. Lol. AND

    Liked by 1 person

  11. SERIOUSLY! Needed that laugh! Finally someone gets it! Stupidest groups EVER and the questions and comments are BEYOND ME! “Where should I buy diapers?” “Going on vacation, what should I pack for my kids?!” Oohhhh myyy GAWDDDDDDDD!!! Help. ME. MUST. CONTROL. My. Inner. Asshole…. but… can’t!

    Liked by 1 person

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