Seven Reasons I’m Sleeping With Your Husband

seven-reasons-im-sleeping-with-your-husband1. You forgot him. You forgot all the cute notes he used to leave you. You forgot the reasons you fell in love with him. You forgot him and I gave him a blowjob.

2. You stopped making him laugh. You don’t tell him the silly thing that happened at the store, you don’t tell him about your goofy antics. You just stopped but I gave him a blowjob.

3. You don’t ask about him. You don’t ask about his silly antics, you don’t engage in any conversation at all. You just don’t ask but I gave him a blowjob.

4. You put your children first. You give them all your time, your affection and your love. You are so busy with them that he has become secondary. Why isn’t HE first, how did you get these kids again? The guy just wants a blowjob.

5. You effin let yourself go. Really, change the stained shirt and track pants. Throw them away. Brush your hair and make an effort to look as pretty as you were when he fell in love with you. I look fantastic while giving him a blowjob.

6. He bought you the pajamas as a joke, you weren’t meant to wear them night and day. Take them off and maybe wash them. Ok, really, just give the man a blowjob.

7. You stopped ripping his clothes off. You stopped touching him. You stopped the blowjobs, I started them up again, he loves me.

Now that you all hate my guts. I’m not sleeping with your husband, are you?

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