Your Kid Is A Piece Of Shit And It’s Your Fault

magical-1090663_1920News out of the North Pole suggests that Santa is writing letters to your children to apologize for running out of the “Hatchimal.” This comes as a great disappointment as I bought all the Hatchimals to teach your little brats a lesson.

I spoke to Santa, I told him that children were running rampant, becoming too demanding and in truth, becoming little pieces of shit. He agreed.

Santa agreed.

As I recall, the song goes “He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.”

What happened to that, anyway?

When did we start apologizing to children for disappointing them? It’s a toy. How many times did you miss out on the toy you wanted? Remember the bike you wanted? You didn’t get it, you became a better person. You didn’t throw a tantrum and expect a f*cking apology from Santa, did you?

Why are children in charge? What the hell happened here?

PS If Santa is writing letters of apology, maybe he can send one to the children who asked for a cure for their cancer. Maybe the ones who asked for their parents to come back from war. Maybe the ones who asked for the grandparents to not be sick anymore. Maybe the ones who wanted a simple box of friggin crayons. Maybe Santa could apologize to these guys first and your disappointed snowflakes can wait till next year.


97 thoughts on “Your Kid Is A Piece Of Shit And It’s Your Fault

  1. Yikes! That’s a new one. We only have one child, but we never spoiled him. I honestly don’t think he ever threw a tantrum because he didn’t get something he wanted. He’s 17 now, and I’m old, so I may have forgotten. I do know I have no tolerance for ill behaved children.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Great post! I grew up fairly poor and have worked hard for everything I’ve gotten and I think I’ve become a better person for it. There’s definitely a lesson to not spoil your kid. Entitled children/adults are the worst!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I know this isn’t fashionable but after reading your blog I do not regret my choice to not have children. The reason why we are seeing a rise in unreasonable tots is because they don’t get enough time with their families. At an early age, they are thrown in to numerous sports & activities to socialize them. Their parents are too busy just trying to eek out a living to afford all of the required items children must have in order to be educated. They are frazzled & tired. They don’t have enough family time. As a result they apologize by getting impossible gifts for their children. It is a vicious cycle.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Dear Laura: WTF! You have no clue what you are talking about. You have to push or get the C to understand this parenting thing. Then try all your theoretical parenting things, watch them fail a GAZILLION times and get in line for the fucking toy of the season. It is a fucking trap just like being single at 40. You need to move to the goddamned arse of the world to raise the kids just how they should be in your mind. Sorry, the world is fucked up from top down to bottoom up. Regards, A 40 year old macho

    Liked by 6 people

  5. Solid fucking gold right here, Baybee.
    Well done, and I completely agree. Today’s parents (excluding present company) are spineless, coddling assholes who are ruining the world by unleashing their entitled little pecker heads onto it. And then they’ll be the ones bitching and moaning because of “other people’s” kids and the state of the world.

    These people make me cry/vomit and I thank you for calling them out.

    All I want for Christmas is to punch a few parent’s in the crotch.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Tell them if they don’t behave us real Socialists from the UK will come and get them. Make them read Karl Marx over the Christmas Holidays while having to contribute to Socio-Economic discussions of at least 2 hours per day then attend Economic Lectures.
    And in the evenings……………………..

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I feel really sad that my kids are growing up in today’s world and I will try my best not to raise two little brats. When i was little, my parents always went big at christmas and we always got all the awesomest toys – Cabbage Patch dolls, My little pony, Pound Puppies, A tree exploding with presents and stockings stuffed full. My brother and I were good kids that didn’t expect certain things, and certainly weren’t entitled. I admit that I love to buy my girls lots of things, but I hope to instill in them as well that they can’t get everything they want. They are still practically babies (3yrs and 1yrs), so tantrums aren’t non-existant. Of course my 3 year old saw a Hatchimal in a toy catalogue and instantly wanted one, and of course by this point they were already gone. But she also wants a zillion other things so she will not even notice that she didn’t get one. Had one been conveniently stocked for the original price, I may have caved and bought one, but I am NOT one of those stupid parents with money to waste paying $300+ on Ebay or Amazon, desperate to get one for fear that their child’s head will explode if they don’t get it. Those are the parents that make me cringe. Just get your kid something else really cool and if they flip out, deal with it. It will be a valuable lesson to learn if your kid acts like that. My 3 year old also wants the animatronic unicorn Starlily for a cool $150….aint happenin.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. LOVE it! I told a friend that we were not giving our kids anything this year. She said, “oh, you’re moving across country right at Christmas, so no time and your things will be packed. I’m sure you will have gifts once settled.” I laughed and said, “no! They’ve been jerks lately and AIN’T getting a darn thang!” They gonna learn today!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Love this!! I hate that I’m raising my kids in a world where they expect the latest and greatest and are not grateful for what they have (mine are grateful as we can’t afford the latest and greatest).

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Ahahahaha I’m in love with this post though. My best friend and I had to go on the hunt for one of these things for a little girl that isn’t even related to us. The Toys R Us staff was so beaten down and dead inside that she didn’t even pretend to care to help us with when they were coming in or if there was any hope left in the universe.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. The good thing about my son playing video games and watching You Tube videos of people playing video games is that he has not heard of Hatchimals. So far there has only been one thing he asked Santa for through the years that was hard for us to get and Daddy found it. But he didn’t overspend on it.

    Thanks for sharing on #FridayFrivolity

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Someone please name me the year when family holidays changed to be for the children to enjoy, when I was young my brother and I went to where my father wanted to visit and do the things he wanted to do.

    Liked by 2 people

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