1. You aren’t happy, so no one else should be either
2. You see someone’s happiness and it makes you sick
3. You are just a bitch
4. No one has ever been nice to you before
5. You have ugly hair
6. Your mom didn’t cuddle you when you were a baby
7. You didn’t switch to Geico
8. You overpaid for a Tickle Me Elmo
9. You are jealous of my ass
10. You didn’t win Grand Supreme Little Darling
Do me a favor. If you see someone happy, leave them alone.
PS if you are wondering what I’m talking about, please see the comments on my About Me page.