Five Things To Do Before You Turn Fifty

Five before fiftyI am about to turn 48 and I need to do something radical. To be honest, I’m bored, while it’s fun being called an infertile old hag and a whore, it doesn’t cause the adrenaline rush you may think.

Before I turn fifty, I have to accomplish these five things.

I want to sing to the crowd at karaoke. I’ve listenedΒ to their beautiful voices for years, it’s time I lowered the bar.

I want to sit in the parking lot at Seaworld or Marineland and tell people there are more compassionate things they could be doing with their time. I will want to kick them, but I won’t.

I need something published, on paper you can bury me with. I understand wanting to be buried with cheese, but I think the smell would get to me. The smell of paper would be a comfort as I rot in the ground.

I want to drop-kick a stupid bitch through the window because I’m sick of her laugh, her voice and her stupid nonsense that drives me bonkers. Oddly, this is no one and everyone, sometimes all at once.

Lastly, I just need to bang a guy on the swings. On the swings.

A bucket list I can actually complete, funny how I don’t have huge lofty dreams. Just a bang on the swings.

 

 

Five Before Fifty Pin
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71 thoughts on “Five Things To Do Before You Turn Fifty

  1. I suppose a bang on the swings could be quite lofty. Depends on how high you’re going. You might be more comfy if you made it one of those swing rides at the fair. When you reach my age, that extra comfort helps a lot. If I do 5 things to do before 66 you can be sure they all involve a cushion.
    xxx Hugs Galore xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I actually did two of your bucket list before I turned fifty, (no I won’t tell you which two. Smiles), and feel inspired by your choices to have a go at the other three, regardless of the fact that I’ve past your sell-by date.

    Never think that age defines you, or me, or anyone.

    Cushions, indeed. Smiles.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I want to be buried with chocolate-covered almonds. Wait, no, I want to die eating them. But before I do, I would love to watch you “lower the bar” with your karaoke performance. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hmm it appears like your blog ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what
    I had written and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog.
    I as well am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to the whole thing.
    Do you have any points for rookie blog writers?
    I’d certainly appreciate it.

    Like

  5. This list is somehow both adventurous and realistic. And also very entertaining. I’m only 27 but sometimes feel like I could use some more experiences before I hit 30, so maybe I should add a couple of these to my “to do before 30” list? πŸ˜›

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Best bucket list EVER!

    I also want to drop kick someone because I hate their voice. But I’m trying to figure out how to avoid jail after. Let me know if you figure that one out.

    Banging a couple guys on swing seems completely reasonable to me. Why haven’t you done that yet?

    I also don’t believe you’re anywhere near 50. Who’d you sell your soul to?

    Love you, as always! #ShowMeYours

    Liked by 1 person

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