Sooo… You’re Dying, Let’s Make It Fun!

Sooo… You’re Dying, Let’s Make It Fun
The first thing you should do is anything and everything to make yourself happy. If it’s at the expense of people who aren’t about to drop dead, screw ’em, you’re dying.

Let’s prepare a care package for your ex.

Let’s send him all your cats! All of them and make sure to buy a couple extra. He is going to want them! He is already thinking of you constantly, so the cats will be a welcome addition.

Finally, he can have his testicles back, you kept them in a bag for him. He still doesn’t need them or know what they’re for, but you don’t need them where you’re going.

You know all the pics with his face cut out? Send him all his heads, a big ole bag of heads. You know you still have them, do you want your kids to find that when you’re gone.

Speaking of your kids, this is quite serious, they will be cleaning your house. Get rid of the dildos, the pornography and the studded bras. It’s bad enough you left them around the living room when they were growing up, they don’t need to see that now. You’re eighty for heaven’s sakes.

Now that I’ve made dying fun, and I’ve made fun of dying, my work here is done.

PS I don’t want to make light of someone who is seriously ill, but if it was me, I hope I’d have the strength to send the heads to my ex.

 

 

Sooo... You're Dying, Let's Make It Fun
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49 thoughts on “Sooo… You’re Dying, Let’s Make It Fun!

  1. Lmao, but you’re so right! I’ve occasionally given thought to stuff I’ve kept around for decades and wondered if I should toss in case something happened to me and I left people wondering. I especially liked you theory about the cut out heads! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think you should leave random things in odd places. Like a 3/4-way written ransom note, with letters cut out of magazines, in the freezer. Put all the Es upside-down. Toothbrushes and feminine hygiene products are also a hoot in unexpected locations, like the silverware drawer and in shoes.

    Oh, and stick about 5 $20 in random spots, too, so they HAVE to be looking for stuff, because money. (One of your ransom notes should say you have 6 bills hidden. HIDE ONLY FIVE.)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Crappities, I’ve been doing it all wrong!
    I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma in June (just had last chemo..cancer is gone) and a few times, I had to contemplate death but I totally went with boring getting will updated and cleaning the basement thoughts. I lack old boyfriends because I met hubby in high school and trained him to perfection (yeah, I’m bragging but I had cancer so I’m gonna work it!) but I now realize I need random sex toys, $20’s and ransom notes to leave in disturbing places for the next near death thingy that comes up. Our sons are far too relaxed 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Laura,
    Great to see you. Too funny. People should take a light-hearted look at break ups. Sadly, too many people carry it with them. Your attitude is great.
    Thanks for bringing this to Pit Stop.
    Janice, Pit Stop Crew

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I actually am dying, like seriously dying – non small cell lung cancer to be exact. Your post was, well, let’s just say completely and totally unrealistic. Like, come on, honestly! Who actually keeps the heads????!!! We all know you scratch them out with a pen until the paper rips apart. Now that we have corrected these inaccuracies, I just want to tell you that I am completely NOT offended in any way. I thought this was cute! (Hope you know I’m only teasing you about the unrealistic, inaccurate thing). Thanks for writing, made me smile. (Check out my blog if you want to read a real post from a dying guy – dropinthebucket.ca)

    Liked by 1 person

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