Let’s prepare a care package for your ex.
Let’s send him all your cats! All of them and make sure to buy a couple extra. He is going to want them! He is already thinking of you constantly, so the cats will be a welcome addition.
Finally, he can have his testicles back, you kept them in a bag for him. He still doesn’t need them or know what they’re for, but you don’t need them where you’re going.
You know all the pics with his face cut out? Send him all his heads, a big ole bag of heads. You know you still have them, do you want your kids to find that when you’re gone.
Speaking of your kids, this is quite serious, they will be cleaning your house. Get rid of the dildos, the pornography and the studded bras. It’s bad enough you left them around the living room when they were growing up, they don’t need to see that now. You’re eighty for heaven’s sakes.
Now that I’ve made dying fun, and I’ve made fun of dying, my work here is done.
PS I don’t want to make light of someone who is seriously ill, but if it was me, I hope I’d have the strength to send the heads to my ex.