You’re Perfect, Now Change

You're Perfect Now ChangeLike it or not, there are at least three details that you wish you could change about a new partner.

Hair, lose the mullet, the mohawk and the stupid man bun. I’m not spending any time explaining it either, make it go away.

Earrings and piercings of any description, get rid of them or else.

The food in your gross, six-month-old beard. We get it, you’re a douchebag hipster, trim it back. Beards are for bikers, Santa Claus and people with chin dimples, save it for them.

I’m sure there are things that men would like to change about me within a few dates, I love to hear about it. However, just on principle alone, I’ll change a few things.

I start smiling and being nice. I also stop throwing my coffee on pedestrians and much of the road rage goes away.

I will clean my bathroom and subsequently fill it back up with five pounds of hair.

I’ll clean the house, the car and I’m also pretty sparkly!

What have you wished you could change about your dates?

PS I asked a guy to remove his stupid earring and he did. What a loser, I lost all respect for the guy from that moment.



41 comments on “You’re Perfect, Now Change

  1. Most of my dates? Dozens of things. Waco? I think she’s appropriately flawed and I fear if she changed much of anything, it will upset the wonderful balance of awesome and snark.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A.J. Sefton says:

    I think you’re a meanie😉

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Jim says:

    let me get this straight. you will stopping throwing coffee and then say your road rage goes away? with no coffee?

    cough, cough, bullshit, cough, cough

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Drew Sheldon says:

    I would tell you that I chuckled at your closing contradiction, but I’m afraid you’ll throw your coffee at me.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. bobcabkings says:

    I don’t like being asked to change. The cleaning up the environment is familiar, but that’s about it, and not on demand. I think if there is something important I want someone to change about themselves its a bad sign, and also the other way around.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You lost respect because he had an earring or because he didn’t have the conviction to fight for it?

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Shari Eberts says:

    Funny! Don’t change a thing! Get it? : )

    Liked by 1 person

  8. My husband stepped back to the year of his birth with a f’ing handlebar face stache. He is unkissable. This should resolve after his hockey tournament but until then…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. plotless1 says:

    well my mother always told me, that you change for yourself and no one else. And she is always right. As far as dates go, after the first 2 weeks of dating a person, I want them to change everything about themselves. They won’t, so I move on. And so it goes till the end of eternity.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. dgkaye says:

    So funny. I’m not into any of those things you mentioned about guys either; particularly the beard that harbours God knows what, not to mention the mangled aftermath of my facial skin after a kissing session.🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. joey says:

    I don’t mind the goatee, but I’ve told my husband I would not appreciate the return of his full beard from the 80’s look, and he agrees, so that’s all I’ve got on that. Love is one thing, desire another.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Raymond says:

    Haha! Meanie! But, at least you know what you want. And that’s a damn good thing🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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