As a progressive and independent lady, you should always have an online dating profile ready to go. There could be a new website any day that will take you, I’m assuming you’ve been blocked from all the others. Oh, just me? Ok.
With that said, here is mine:
Wow, are you sad you ended up here? I have no picture up and other than this profile, you have nothing to go on. Let’s fill a boy in!
I am a tall, blonde alcoholic with a great ass (in my mind anyway, and I’m the only one that counts.) I have been called crazy, I’ve been called amazing and when you call and the phone rings, I get mad. I am really happy when you put pickles on my plate, but they have to be the correct pickles. Are you kidding me with these shit pickles?
I can be counted on to make a bad situation worse by opening my mouth, I am useless in an emergency. Well, if you need me to start screaming at people, hey, I’m in.
Um, don’t let me talk is what I’m saying. If you are the guy that can keep me from opening my mouth, then you need to come over and fast.
I invite you to answer these fourΒ questions:
If you had an hour to yourself at home, how would you spend it?
If your mom called in the middle of the afternoon afraid that something was flooding, what would you do?
If you didn’t like the meal you were served, how would you treat the waitress?
Are you going to bug the living f*ck out of me if I decide we aren’t suited?
I guess this is my online profile, maybe I should have lied. What would yours say?
Hahaha, this is super cool!
You are funny!
Love and light β€
Anand π
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π Thanks for the love!
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π π π
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Must have a brain, a heart, a spine and a pair of balls. We’ll negotiate the rest over drinks.
(ps, nearly all are disqualified by the 4 requirements.)
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“I can be counted on to make a bad situation worse by opening my mouth, I am useless in an emergency.”
THAT may be the funniest line I’ve read all week.
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Thank you, I had fun writing this one π
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If I had an hour to myself? I’d be on the net just like I am now.
If Momma called? That would be one helluva long distance call given Momma is dead and cremated. No, I don’t wanna know the area code that she would be calling from.
The waitress didn’t cook the meal. She just served it. Some knucklehead in the kitchen cooked the meal. Give me the manager so I can bend their ear. The waitress gets tipped for her service.
Bug the shit outa you? Hell ya. I’m a stalker. Or am I a perv? I can never keep them straight.
Oh well. at least you have a great ass … or so you say. then again you could always use someone else’s pic in your profile. you could be doing that now. crap. now I’m wondering if your avatar pic is you or your neighbor.
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Aw haha that was cool, gotta love a man whose momma is long dead π
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I lold twice. I dont believe youve been blocked.
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Haha you may be right π don’t tell anyone though
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haha! Love it! π more dating profiles should be like this! π
http://gemmajaneadventures.com
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Thank you π
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Married. Not looking. If I was looking, I’m not sure I’d go to the dating sites. I have 5 other males in the house with a great attitude, lots of hair and all they want from me is to snuggle in bed. As long as they can sleep in my bed and have enough dog & cat food to keep their tummies full, they’re happy. π
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Lots of hair. I have that on my own π
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Nice profile!! I just listed some bands and said I wasn’t down for just sex haha
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this just in… s&s is a 300 lb. fat guy!
lol
just thought I’d throw that out there; could throw some of the hounds off the scent!
ok, here goes…
Wanted: one good used woman, loser friendly, low mileage, (lady driven? bwahahaha! hell, why not?) bonus points for good humour and amazing personality (both trump the snot out of looks – imo)(however, given the first 2, extra bonus points for looks!)(haha) (no, I’m serious)
but wait! if you act now….!
:?P
Would be nice to be on the same page politically, too. I mean, don’t you want to know when you’re sleeping with the enemy? lol But more importantly – maybe it’s just me, I don’t know – I just find it a lot easier to love someone who’s not cancelling my damn vote!!!
skinz, you may be overqualified for the job (just too damn hawt), my soulmate in absentia. make a pact now to never discuss politics until this wannabe fledgling friendship is fully consummated! (where do I sign?)
;?)
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This was awesome π β€
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Great profile π
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Thank you /)
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This is beautiful. Of I go to edit all my dating profiles!
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Awesome!! Let me know how it works out!
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Since people scare me to death it’s a bit of a moot point for me. But if I were to have one it might say. Quiet , funny and tries to be nice.Only respond if you’re nice too.
xxx Huge Hugs xxx
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Love that profile!!
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Love it! Brutally honest, doesn’t pull any punches, this is me like it or leave it!
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π thank you, I’m debating on actually throwing it out there π
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Eliminates the bullshit of online dating world, I say go for it.
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Would be hilarious π
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‘The Great Ass’ does it for me!
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awesome!!!! π
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That was awesome!!!!
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Thank you!!! π
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Great profile…does it work?
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You will have to stay tuned for a future blog post! I haven’t tossed it out yet π
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These are my answers to your 4 questions. Hang on. I’ve got to scroll back up to read them again. Whew ! Back !
Q1 Masticate …. cookies washed down with coffee .
Q2 Tell her that her nappies are under the bathroom sink.
Q3 I would tip the waitress after beating hell out of the waiter that served me.
Q4 Bug hug my friend π β€
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That’s hot π hahaha
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Too funny L. I’m not getting the feeling you’re seriously looking. π
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π no, not even a little haha
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Hahaha π
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I no longer believe in dating.
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Aw why not?
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*taking notes* Best. Dating Profile. Ever. π
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ha! thanks so much! π
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Profiles like this don’t get a lot of traffic….but what they get is typically better quality.
I met the hubs on a dating site nearly 10 years ago! (Right after Internet was invented)
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Awesome!!
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Hilarious.
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π thank you
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“Well, if you need me to start screaming at people, hey, Iβm in.” YES! Thanks, as always, for the giggle.
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Haha! I love it! Mine would say, “NOT LOOKING FOR MARRIAGE! If you want that, keep walking!” I don’t have a dating profile though and I’m not looking to start one any time soon so I honestly don’t know what else I would say besides the marriage thing. LOL!
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Write one as a joke, I bet you’ll want to post it! I’m really dying to post this somewhere!!
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Haha! That would be funny just to see what happens and mess with peopleπ
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Aww not to mess with people π¦ you gotta screw them at least once or it’s really mean.
Bahahaha
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Hehehe!
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You are very funny. Loving the intro to this alone. Good luck if you decide to go ahead with this one!! Let us know.
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I will!!! π It will turn into a blog post for certain π thanks so much!!!
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So much better than my online dating profile.
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π
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That’s lovely π
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π thank you
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Mine says I don’t date narcissists (been there) , serial killers or men that live with their mothers.
I also will only do a first date with a quick exit strategy such as a restaurant back door or a cliff I can jump off.
P.S. most men don’t even read your profile bio.
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Haha love the cliff!!!
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