As a progressive and independent lady, you should always have an online dating profile ready to go. There could be a new website any day that will take you, I’m assuming you’ve been blocked from all the others. Oh, just me? Ok.
With that said, here is mine:
Wow, are you sad you ended up here? I have no picture up and other than this profile, you have nothing to go on. Let’s fill a boy in!
I am a tall, blonde alcoholic with a great ass (in my mind anyway, and I’m the only one that counts.) I have been called crazy, I’ve been called amazing and when you call and the phone rings, I get mad. I am really happy when you put pickles on my plate, but they have to be the correct pickles. Are you kidding me with these shit pickles?
I can be counted on to make a bad situation worse by opening my mouth, I am useless in an emergency. Well, if you need me to start screaming at people, hey, I’m in.
Um, don’t let me talk is what I’m saying. If you are the guy that can keep me from opening my mouth, then you need to come over and fast.
I invite you to answer these four questions:
If you had an hour to yourself at home, how would you spend it?
If your mom called in the middle of the afternoon afraid that something was flooding, what would you do?
If you didn’t like the meal you were served, how would you treat the waitress?
Are you going to bug the living f*ck out of me if I decide we aren’t suited?
I guess this is my online profile, maybe I should have lied. What would yours say?