Rest In Peace To My Uterus

Rest In Peace To My Uterus FYep, the bitch turned on me, I’ve been pretty good to her too. I took care of her, she let me down. Hard. While I’m not regretting the loss of my childbearing years, no, **laughs for hours, no, I’m pretty good with that. It’s just menopause is really not nice. Menopause is a screaming,Β unpredictable child who has had too much sugar. Menopause is like sitting on a hot poker for hours at a time. Menopause is a 400 dollar a month tampon, underwear and new clothes budget.

Menopause is fun.

Menopause is a new stage of my life that I welcome with open arms. Really, I could be dead and not celebrating this wonder.

The wonder of going from cold to roasting in an instant.

The wonder of bleeding through 17 layers of cotton, two towels and a mattress.

The wonder of my new beard. That’s cool though, people have a new beard fetish lately, I’m good to go.

I guess I’m just old, I’m going grey and getting deep wrinkles. I have random pains and the occasional limp. But hey, when I was 23, I had problems too, I’d rather be here, any day.

This shit’s a breeze, I got this.

PS: I just want my armpits to dry.

fun with menopause.png
RIP To My Uterus
Advertisements

191 thoughts on “Rest In Peace To My Uterus

  1. You are hilarious. I lost my uterus several years ago during hysterectomy and that’s okay. I am fine with it. I am sometimes not fine with the hormones and the hot flashes still but no beard yet and no bleeding. Thank god for that./ There are a few tiny silver linings to having a hysterectomy – no more periods are good. Very good.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love it! Yeah, Pinterest moms are stockpiling diapers…we are stockpiling tampons! I gave up my uterus last month. My doc said, “Are you sure you don’t want more children?” I’m all like, “Dude! Read my chart, I’m 55! And, I have a teenager along with this nonsense.” Stopping the nonstop bleeding and back to awesome sex. My mantra!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My ute and I parted ways early. It’s probably in a museum of twisted science. But more likely, it went into whatever receptacle hospitals use to discard the parts on you that give up. No periods, no problem….that’s a lie. I still have ovaries and will get to enjoy the hot flashes with you at some point. Soon. Too damn soon. Lol. Love this post.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I kind of really appreciate the convection oven-like blast at the oddest times. I’ve always ran on the cold side, and this is coming in handy during the winter months. You know, trying to be frugal and all. What a ride, eh? #Stayclassymama

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I loved this! I had a hysterectomy back in November (I’m 36) and wasn’t fully prepared for what was ahead. Although I got to keep my ovaries, I still experienced hot & cold flashes and night sweats for the first week or so after surgery. I drove my husband crazy (BONUS…lol) and it just wasn’t fun.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I stopped by Janice’s party and came here when I was looking for a place to start and I have to say that I couldn’t agree more! I had my hysterectomy on Nov 17th. My husband just doesn’t understand why I’d rather kill him than to look at him lately! Damn menopause! I did find some awesome menopause pj’s from Haralee sleepwear! They are amazing. I practically live in them now!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hahah yea I think people are into beards nowadays, so you’re good. I can’t really say but I’m assuming after going through the whole pregnancy and birth thing, menopause is just another thing to get through? (I’m hoping) Thanks for the laugh and sharing with #stayclassymama!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: Tips For Fighting Migraine « Skinny and Single

  9. Lets Take This From The Top Down Shall We. Let’s Work Through This. Let’s Work It Out Together. Okay, I Β Have Remembered I Like My Women Mature. Again, Lets Work This Out.

    My mind already twisted, forward that on to the next morning, she has a raspy voice, “Are You Where U Wanna be?”Β 

    We’re on the streets and I answer her, ” I drank it all! Β 

    ”Are you where you wanna be?” I asked.

    “Here, take a shot,” is what I said.

    I never seen anyone grab a bottle of liquor out of my hands so fast!

    Like

  10. Lets Take This From The Top Down Shall We. Let’s Work Through This. Let’s Work It Out Together. Okay, I Β Have Remembered I Like My Women Mature. Again, Lets Work This Out.

    My mind already twisted, forward that on to the next morning, she has a raspy voice, “Are You Where U Wanna be?”Β 

    We’re on the streets and I answer her, ” I drank it all! Β 

    ”Are you where you wanna be?” I asked.

    “Here, take a shot,” is what I said.

    I never seen anyone grab a bottle of liquor out of my hands so fast!

    Like

  11. Ugh. It’s around the corner for me and I’m not looking forward to it. I had a taste of it when I was on Tamoxifen. I remember calling up my sister, sounding perplexed and angry and telling her I wasn’t just hot, but I was also nauseous and dizzy. She confirmed that’s what a hot flash is and laughed at me a little bit. Men don’t know how easy they have it.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I’m glad to see it hasn’t affected your humour but I’m now a little worried about it! Actually I’m a bit scared. Why do we have to get all this crap to deal with? Thanks for sharing with #StayClassyMama

    Liked by 1 person

Yell at me here:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s