Rest In Peace To My Uterus

Rest In Peace To My Uterus FYep, the bitch turned on me, I’ve been pretty good to her too. I took care of her, she let me down. Hard. While I’m not regretting the loss of my childbearing years, no, **laughs for hours, no, I’m pretty good with that. It’s just menopause is really not nice. Menopause is a screaming,Β unpredictable child who has had too much sugar. Menopause is like sitting on a hot poker for hours at a time. Menopause is a 400 dollar a month tampon, underwear and new clothes budget.

Menopause is fun.

Menopause is a new stage of my life that I welcome with open arms. Really, I could be dead and not celebrating this wonder.

The wonder of going from cold to roasting in an instant.

The wonder of bleeding through 17 layers of cotton, two towels and a mattress.

The wonder of my new beard. That’s cool though, people have a new beard fetish lately, I’m good to go.

I guess I’m just old, I’m going grey and getting deep wrinkles. I have random pains and the occasional limp. But hey, when I was 23, I had problems too, I’d rather be here, any day.

This shit’s a breeze, I got this.

PS: I just want my armpits to dry.

 

fun with menopause.png

 

RIP To My Uterus
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174 comments on “Rest In Peace To My Uterus

  1. OMG sounds like a big ball of no fun at all! I’m not having this fun YET!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lindahobden says:

    Ummm… I think I’ll have a word with my uterus’s ear to go easy on me! …😜

    visited via #BlogShareLearn

    Liked by 1 person

  3. lastchance3 says:

    LMAO. This had me dying! lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hahaha you poor thing! My uterus is gone too but I feel OK (it was gone due to complications after childbirth) for now. Here’s to hoping I don’t join the beard group with you πŸ˜›

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You have a great sense of humor. Aging is a funny thing…the alternative is where the problem lies.

    Like

  6. paula schuck says:

    You are hilarious. I lost my uterus several years ago during hysterectomy and that’s okay. I am fine with it. I am sometimes not fine with the hormones and the hot flashes still but no beard yet and no bleeding. Thank god for that./ There are a few tiny silver linings to having a hysterectomy – no more periods are good. Very good.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. amommasview says:

    Oh no! Seems like it has hit you hard…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. RosiEscapes says:

    thanks for your honesty and realness. not looking forward to that decade of life but i’ve heard the stories

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh my gosh, rofl, I’m a little traumatized… you’re a strong woman! I better start building inner strength now for the inevitability… ahahaha. Thank you for sharing your honesty and humor at #Fridayfrivolity! Pinning and tweeting. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hey, beards are cool now! Wear it with confidence. You’ve got this.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I find you so funny.. i wish when my mom had her new stage of life she would take it as yours… she was grumpy and bitchy. I can blame it to menopausal stageπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Can’t stop laughing at you coming to your bitchy stage! So happy to see you again at #FridayFrivolity!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. SDuggan-VA says:

    OMG, this was so funny (and sad). Menopause is a trip isn’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Lisa Orchard says:

    Oh my God! I’m there with you, lady! Those hot flashes are a pain in the a$$.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Great post! I’m in my late 20s and after reading your post, menopause doesn’t seem that bad…at least from the way you’re handling it. I like your wit!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Michelle says:

    Love it! Yeah, Pinterest moms are stockpiling diapers…we are stockpiling tampons! I gave up my uterus last month. My doc said, “Are you sure you don’t want more children?” I’m all like, “Dude! Read my chart, I’m 55! And, I have a teenager along with this nonsense.” Stopping the nonstop bleeding and back to awesome sex. My mantra!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Alex Sarll says:

    Ohmigod I literally can’t wait…. this sounds like sooooo much fun πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Made me actually laugh out loud – not because I’m laughing at you, but because I’m beginning perimenopause so I feel like I’m right there with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I am right there with you. Just wish Mother Nature would believe me when I say I am DONE with babies, feel free to stop this nonsense NOW! For me the worst is the nightsweats. ugh!

    Thanks for sharing on #FridayFrivolity

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Etoile 75007 says:

    OMG! You crack me up! hahaha
    Aren’t you a little too young for that? πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  21. webmdiva says:

    My ute and I parted ways early. It’s probably in a museum of twisted science. But more likely, it went into whatever receptacle hospitals use to discard the parts on you that give up. No periods, no problem….that’s a lie. I still have ovaries and will get to enjoy the hot flashes with you at some point. Soon. Too damn soon. Lol. Love this post.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Oh my gosh, I feel bad laughing but this is hilarious. but holy crap!!! I had no idea you get period bleeding during menopause! Argh!! xx #stayclassymama

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Haha love your attitude! You have definitely got this and I hope your armpits sort themselves out! #stayclassymama

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I kind of really appreciate the convection oven-like blast at the oddest times. I’ve always ran on the cold side, and this is coming in handy during the winter months. You know, trying to be frugal and all. What a ride, eh? #Stayclassymama

    Liked by 1 person

  25. xD You’re really selling it here!

    Thanks so much for sharing over at Friday Frivolity! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Bobbi says:

    I loved this! I had a hysterectomy back in November (I’m 36) and wasn’t fully prepared for what was ahead. Although I got to keep my ovaries, I still experienced hot & cold flashes and night sweats for the first week or so after surgery. I drove my husband crazy (BONUS…lol) and it just wasn’t fun.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. It sounds tough! I love how you have tackled this with humour even though I am now a bit scared about this happening πŸ˜‰ #Stayclassymama

    Liked by 1 person

  28. LMAO at least beards are cool though. Can we run away from our lady parts now?
    Thanks for sharing #StayClassyMama

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Rena says:

    I stopped by Janice’s party and came here when I was looking for a place to start and I have to say that I couldn’t agree more! I had my hysterectomy on Nov 17th. My husband just doesn’t understand why I’d rather kill him than to look at him lately! Damn menopause! I did find some awesome menopause pj’s from Haralee sleepwear! They are amazing. I practically live in them now!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Hahah yea I think people are into beards nowadays, so you’re good. I can’t really say but I’m assuming after going through the whole pregnancy and birth thing, menopause is just another thing to get through? (I’m hoping) Thanks for the laugh and sharing with #stayclassymama!

    Liked by 1 person

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