Rest In Peace To My Uterus

Rest In Peace To My Uterus FYep, the bitch turned on me, I’ve been pretty good to her too. I took care of her, she let me down. Hard. While I’m not regretting the loss of my childbearing years, no, **laughs for hours, no, I’m pretty good with that. It’s just menopause is really not nice. Menopause is a screaming, unpredictable child who has had too much sugar. Menopause is like sitting on a hot poker for hours at a time. Menopause is a 400 dollar a month tampon, underwear and new clothes budget.

Menopause is fun.

Menopause is a new stage of my life that I welcome with open arms. Really, I could be dead and not celebrating this wonder.

The wonder of going from cold to roasting in an instant.

The wonder of bleeding through 17 layers of cotton, two towels and a mattress.

The wonder of my new beard. That’s cool though, people have a new beard fetish lately, I’m good to go.

I guess I’m just old, I’m going grey and getting deep wrinkles. I have random pains and the occasional limp. But hey, when I was 23, I had problems too, I’d rather be here, any day.

This shit’s a breeze, I got this.

PS: I just want my armpits to dry.

 

fun with menopause.png

 

RIP To My Uterus

149 comments on “Rest In Peace To My Uterus

  1. Made me actually laugh out loud – not because I’m laughing at you, but because I’m beginning perimenopause so I feel like I’m right there with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Alex Sarll says:

    Ohmigod I literally can’t wait…. this sounds like sooooo much fun🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Michelle says:

    Love it! Yeah, Pinterest moms are stockpiling diapers…we are stockpiling tampons! I gave up my uterus last month. My doc said, “Are you sure you don’t want more children?” I’m all like, “Dude! Read my chart, I’m 55! And, I have a teenager along with this nonsense.” Stopping the nonstop bleeding and back to awesome sex. My mantra!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great post! I’m in my late 20s and after reading your post, menopause doesn’t seem that bad…at least from the way you’re handling it. I like your wit!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lisa Orchard says:

    Oh my God! I’m there with you, lady! Those hot flashes are a pain in the a$$.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. SDuggan-VA says:

    OMG, this was so funny (and sad). Menopause is a trip isn’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Can’t stop laughing at you coming to your bitchy stage! So happy to see you again at #FridayFrivolity!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I find you so funny.. i wish when my mom had her new stage of life she would take it as yours… she was grumpy and bitchy. I can blame it to menopausal stage😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hey, beards are cool now! Wear it with confidence. You’ve got this.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh my gosh, rofl, I’m a little traumatized… you’re a strong woman! I better start building inner strength now for the inevitability… ahahaha. Thank you for sharing your honesty and humor at #Fridayfrivolity! Pinning and tweeting. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  11. RosiEscapes says:

    thanks for your honesty and realness. not looking forward to that decade of life but i’ve heard the stories

    Liked by 1 person

  12. amommasview says:

    Oh no! Seems like it has hit you hard…

    Liked by 1 person

  13. paula schuck says:

    You are hilarious. I lost my uterus several years ago during hysterectomy and that’s okay. I am fine with it. I am sometimes not fine with the hormones and the hot flashes still but no beard yet and no bleeding. Thank god for that./ There are a few tiny silver linings to having a hysterectomy – no more periods are good. Very good.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. You have a great sense of humor. Aging is a funny thing…the alternative is where the problem lies.

    Like

  15. Hahaha you poor thing! My uterus is gone too but I feel OK (it was gone due to complications after childbirth) for now. Here’s to hoping I don’t join the beard group with you😛

    Liked by 1 person

  16. lastchance3 says:

    LMAO. This had me dying! lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. lindahobden says:

    Ummm… I think I’ll have a word with my uterus’s ear to go easy on me! …😜

    visited via #BlogShareLearn

    Liked by 1 person

  18. OMG sounds like a big ball of no fun at all! I’m not having this fun YET!

    Liked by 1 person

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