Why I Can’t Be Friends With Men

Why I Can’t Be Friends With MenThey just all want this ass! It’s tiresome and boring. Aaaaaand it’s a big fattie-fat lie.

No, my male friends don’t want my ass, I wonder if most of them know I’m female. Do they? I really couldn’t say.

Reason one why I can’t be friends with men: When you vent with your girlfriends they nod and sympathize. When you vent with your guy friends they tease you about how your voice cracks when you’re upset.

Reason two: If your guy friend invites you out for dinner, he’s wearing track pants and will put his feet up on the booth. Worse, he took you to a place with booths. He will pay and he will expect you to clean his bathroom in return. Your girlfriends show up on time, smell nice and split the cheque.

Reason three: As pretty as you are, your actual guy friends see you as one of the boys and you may as well not even shower. He didn’t, and he’s still in the same track pants. They even smell like the booth in the cheap diner. Your girlfriends know you are a girl, they’ve helped you squish your tits into a new bra.

Reason four: They are men, and, um, eww. We are girls, and, um, perfect bitch princesses.

Reason five: No spare tampons, no emergency supply of any thing girly. No nail file, mascara or lipstick (right? Say yes, please say yes.) Girlfriends have a purse with a little person who will sell you whatever you could possibly need.

Why I Must Be Friends With Men

My male friends are a constant reminder that there are some decent men out there. Wonderful, wonderful men.

Why I Can’t Be Friends With Men1
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178 thoughts on “Why I Can’t Be Friends With Men

  1. Love this! So true. I was trying to explain my need for cleanliness and girly things to my husband and two sons the other day. They looked at me like I was talking about some remote galaxy they had no inkling even existed. Sigh. On the flip side, on days when I lack energy to make an effort, they don’t give two sh*ts. Oh, and I loathe the aroma of cheap diners… Great post!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You NAILED it!

    Except…

    As the loving father of a 5 year d ad happily married husband to a beautiful wife…

    and as a brother who had two sisters growing up

    I have no idea why you think women are anything but complete f*cking slobs. Maybe single women keep a tidy house. Girls I dated way back when sure did. But things seem to have changed.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I am your kind of guy–though I am too old for you. :o) My momma raised me right; my wife keeps me in line…with girly needs. Sorry, though, she keeps all my “stuff” in her purse. You are too funny!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Pretty much! They also a reminder that wonderful men still are men and when the right one comes along you’ll already know that he’s not perfect 🙂

    Cheers!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. That was a great post, which I really enjoyed, I find that men are so much easier to get on with than women as there is no hidden rivalry, who is the slimmest, prettiest etc, I can’t be doing with all of that!

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Every guy I know asks me to put his stuff in my purse, except for his wallet, cell, and keys. And I can say they’re all slobs. I may not be perfect, but men are a whole other breed sometimes.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Hahaha! 😀 “Girlfriends have a purse with a little person that will sell you whatever you could possibly need.”
    Yes, there are some decent guys out there. Also, if they don’t shower, you don’t have to either. Just saying.

    Liked by 2 people

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  9. Hi!
    Your post was a hit! What an engaged community. Until I read this, I liked restaurants with booths. No? Bad? Uh-oh.
    Anyway, thank you for visiting my site yesterday. I am glad you liked my post about getting traffic to your site through networking.
    Janice

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Loved reading this post.

    Yep men don’t carry little emergency supplies around with them (Some do carry lipstick).

    There are some great men out there, you’ve just got to find them.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. So true, but there are some good men out there. I have been single off and on for long periods of time. I didn’t mind being single, however, I found I like having someone to share my life with, besides my girl friends. Men can be great friends – you just have to find the right one.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Lol just gotto say: while my male bff may not have spare feminine hygiene products for me, he has never taken me out to a Booth restaurant nor wore trackies when we go out haha. He has also not expected me to clean for him when he pays …if that’s the norm maybe I should give him a big old hug or something hahaha

    Liked by 2 people

  13. LOL not quite what I was expecting but very funny.
    I have an equal number of male and female friends and I have to say – my male friends are on top of their game. Other than reason 1 & 5 – they know better than to turn up in track pants around me hahah

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I’m not sure why you would want to make your guy friends cry in the shower, or at a restaurant. John Wilkes Booth had a booth and he was a famous actor — oh yeah, sorry, I guess you couldn’t be friends with him because he’s dead. I think if your guy friend were a pharmacist he’d have proper supplies, or maybe a professional Shower Demonstrator might be friend material. It does seem like a difficult dilemma. But you could spray him with lemon juice from a lemon on a drink for a fresh smell — oh wait, that would be ridiculous: it would have to be a lime.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Ok, so, most of my male guy friends are gay. I have to say that my gay friends are not a great shoulder to cry on. My gay friends would never be seen dead in track pants. My gay friends shower at least 6 times a day. My gay friends are probably more bitch princess than me and although they don’t have mascara or tampons they always have neutral coloured lip balm. Get some gay mates love. They are great and you can even kid yourself that you have a man on Valentine’s Day. x

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Sweetie I genuinely think you need to friend a better ‘class’ of man. I’ve never in all my life had a guy friend turn up in track pants or take me to restaurant with booth or any of that other stuff. Yep some men are jerks. Go find the ones who aren’t. There are lots of nice ones out there and let me know when you find one 🙂 Thanks for linking to #effitfriday. Hope to see you again.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Haha! This was way funny! I like having guys friends because they are consistent and pretty much tell you the truth in all matters.. The drawback is that they almost never show you sympathy like a girl will and yes will tease you.. Lol. Oh well, gotta love em.. The part where you say your girlfriends will have a little person inside their purse had me dying!! Great post!

    Liked by 2 people

  18. The reasons you list for not being friends with guys are the reasons I love being friends with guys. They are happy for you to turn up in your scruffs (they don’t even notice) and don’t bitch about you when you leave! I’ve never had a guy friend expect me to clean his bathroom though, I think I would draw the line at that lol 🙂 #ShowcaseTuesday
    Debbie

    Liked by 3 people

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  20. I was pondering this recently. I have very few male friends, I think it’s because I like to analyse everything, all the things in microscopic detail at the same time as watching telly and they tend not to like that. The spare lip balm/tissues/tampons thing is a big deal though. #bigfatlinky

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Great reasons. I think only 5 would relate to me. I’m not a typical guy though and I often get mistaken for one 9f the girls as I respond differently. But I have male friends that would fit this! Thanks for linking up with us on the #bigfatlinky hope to see you there this week

    Liked by 1 person

  22. One of my best pals is a guy. But I don’t consider his gender. He’s a computer geek, so I do believe his brain is half motherboard/ half grey matter. Since he’s not your typical “guy,” the friendship works. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Have you seen When Harry Met Sally? They discuss this in detail throughout the movie. It’s my favorite rom-com.

    Your posts always make me laugh. I miss a lot, in general, so I love that you retweet old posts so I can find them 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I so agree – love my guy friends. Very little drama and at times, that’s very nice! Have never read you and so enjoyed!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Haha! I would also add that, should you, for example, have nearly all guy friends during your teenage years at school, you may find that, if you are ill, upon arriving at school you will be informed ‘oh my god, you look s**t!’ Not so good on the sympathy or the self esteem building, the boys! On the other hand, they would have done anything for us.

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      • That wasn’t the scene I meant. Harry tells Sally something in another scene. I went online to see if I could find that scene but found another one later in the film that refers to the one I was thinking of and it was much better. Here it is.

        Harry Burns: Would you like to have dinner?… Just friends.

        Sally Albright: I thought you didn’t believe men and women could be friends.

        Harry Burns: When did I say that?

        Sally Albright: On the ride to New York.

        Harry Burns: No, no, no, I never said that… Yes, that’s right, they can’t be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can… This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted… That doesn’t work either, because what happens then is, the person you’re involved with can’t understand why you need to be friends with the person you’re just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say “No, no, no it’s not true, nothing is missing from the relationship,” the person you’re involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you’re just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let’s face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can’t be friends.

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