Hug A Brat Today

hug

I never realized how much of a loss I would feel when my son moved out. I’ll admit it took five years to feel it, but it’s happened.

I’m grieving the loss of my kid’s childhood. It’s as painful as any grief I have ever felt. I see women, some my age, with young kids and I’m filled with a terrible melancholy. I feel like it was over in a day, I brought them home from the hospital and the next day they were twenty years old.

I feel like I have forgotten how tiny their little fingers and toes were.

I feel like I’ve forgotten their first step and their first word.

I feel like I have forgotten their first day of school, their first karate lesson.

I feel like I’ve forgotten their first date, first fight, first time they got drunk.

I grieve for the time that’s now gone because I don’t remember and didn’t cherish every minute.

I don’t remember the moment that I was handed my first child. I don’t remember looking into his amazingly vivid purple eyes and feeling my heart explode with love. Nope.

I didn’t cherish the years we spent walking the town, going to the lake and parks. I didn’t cherish walking around eating a baguette. I didn’t cherish finding acorns and maple keys. Nope.

I don’t remember. I didn’t cherish. Some days that is how I feel, but yes I do remember, and yes, you’re damn right I cherished.

My kids are my greatest accomplishments. They did as they should have, they grew up and moved away. If you do a good job, your sweet babies will do the same. Hug the little brats for me, will ya?

Edited to add: I found a blog post today by Angrivated Mom (to insanity and beyond), and it took me back, back to every single exhausting, terrifying and horrible moment of parenting. 

Here is a hug to those that are tired and hate me.:)

 

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121 comments on “Hug A Brat Today

  1. Melinda says:

    I will hug mine. He’s getting a job. He’ll be getting his license. He’s so close to moving on… thanks for a great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My son is 19 just finished his first year at university, daughter is 16 and will be going off too in a couple of years. I understand exactly what you mean. I feel some days that I really didn’t appreciate any of it and that it was gone before I could. Thanks for sharing:)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love this post. I’ve been downsizing and going through old photos and OMG, looking at pictures of my son when he was young is like being smacked in the belly. So bittersweet! Such glorious times, yet I’ll never have them back. Thanks for a great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mine are in bed and I want to go wake them up just to squish them, thank you very much. Pfft!😥 *sniffle*

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Elizabeth says:

    I remember thinking the day my youngest turned 4 – wow – when did THAT happen? Now I’m looking at colleges with her. Sometimes I think I didn’t capture enough of the memories. I think that’s just called being a Mom.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. be glad you got to have those memories. thanks to a vicious exwife with truly the cruelest of nature and a lopsided and completely biased justice system, i never got to see my children grow up. my exwife had an affair with my best friend, whom she is now married to. all of this after she badgered and cajoled me into an irreversible vasectomy. stating that she did not want more children. then she had the affair, lied and cried in court, cost.me everything i had including my dignity, married my friend and moved without telling me where. the courts would not help me even though i had full access and no stipulations. nor would the police. citing that i would have to go back to court. with what money? she had it all. and how was i to serve her papers if i had no clue where she was? so 12 years passed before i finally found them. by them my daughter was 18 and my son 16.5 and neither wanted a thing to do with me. my relationship with them had gone from one of love and laughs to one where my kids had been fed lies about me for over a decade and i had missed every accomplishment, special moment, etc… now i am in danger of losing any time with grandchildren as well. they are 25 & 23.5 years old and still have no use for me. i was not a deadbeat dad. i did everything i could within the resources i had to find them and when i did, to reconnect. all to no avail because of one persons selfishness. so be grateful for all those moments and while you may feel a little melancholy they are done, at least you know your child will call this weekend. or come home for Christmas. be grateful for that. i envy you those memories.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My kid is a small one. But, I can relate to your words…. I think every mother can..

    P.S. I chanced upon your blog. Firstly, I was attracted by the name and the tagline but, the contents are equally interesting and great…:-)

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Time flies on the wings of lightning taking our children with it. I have 6 and I’ve grieved each loss as it was happening and it still didn’t prepare me for “All grown up.” You’re right though. When we raise them right, they become independent. Just like we have and it’s as it’s suppose to be. STILL sad though!:/

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Stacey says:

    This is so sad! My little ones are 4 and 1 and I am so guilty of not appreciating them and wishing their little lives away. I’ll hug them a little longer tomorrow morning…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I can’t believe how incredibly quick the time goes… I swear my three year old was a new born all of two minutes ago😦

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Yup – very well said. That grief never really goes. My sons are 34 and 32 and have been gone for years. They are married with their own babies and I miss them all. When they have been to visit, I can’t bear the silence when they leave. Tidying up the grandchildren’s room afterwards is so painful – a gnawing emptiness because I never know when they will be back. Our lives are very full but still, we never stop missing them.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Mrs Tubbs says:

    Mine starts secondary school this September! Time marches on. I’ll see if I can sneak a swish in! Lovely post

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I am in love with this! Such a great message for the parents out there of little ones. Hug them now! Thank you for sharing this post with us and our blog party at http://www.liveclarelesleyblog.com let’s keep the party going! Xx~LL

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Sammy says:

    Oh this scares me and it shouldn’t, my kids are 5 and 1 but it is already going too fast. Your right though, you should be proud, how independent and successful he has become. Hope he visits regularly x

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Beautiful – thanking you for sharing with us
    #ShowcaseTuesday linky

    Liked by 1 person

  16. This is so beautiful! I’m having a tough time with my 2 year old right now so needed to read this #wineandboobs

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Silly Mummy says:

    I already feel like time is moving too fast with my little ones! I can’t imagine how it will feel when they’re grown up. #wineandboobs

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Gorgeous post! I’ve got a three year old who’s going on thirteen and is quite the handful, so I’m not exactly cherishing all the tantrums and questions. But I’ll give him a hug for you anyway because I know he’ll really be thirteen, and then thirty all too soon! #wineandboobs

    Liked by 1 person

  19. This is such a lovely reminder – mine are very young – 3 years and seven months and some days feel like they are dragging on forever. But when I look back I realise that the time is going so quickly. Thank you for the reminder. Off to hug my brats:) #wineandboobs

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Andrew says:

    Wow I just read ‘sarah’s’ comment and realised the power a blogger’ s post can have:)

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I can’t even begin to imagine. The first year has gone in a blink. Thanks for sharing on #bigfatlinky

    Liked by 1 person

  22. I felt the first ‘symptoms’ of this last year when I wrote a post about my eldest turning ten. I’ve not managed to read it out loud without crying every time. Ten was a milestone that really hit me because they’d gone by so fast and I realised in less time than that she’ll be gone most probably. I remember my mum crying as my Dad and I drove away for me to dropped off at university. She had to stay behind and run our shop and from the car’s wing mirrors I could see her standing in the doorway sobbing. I remember being baffled as to why she was crying because it wasn’t like I was no longer her daughter.

    Of course now I totally get it. I’ve already fast forwarded to them leaving and I’ve already mentally cried about it!
    Lovely post.
    #wineandboobs (better late than never!)

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Mama says:

    Aw, I can’t even imagine. Thank goodness my one year old will stay little forever. Can’t imagine him going to school let alone driving or drinking.
    Thanks so much for linking up to #fartglitter x

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Rica says:

    I love your sense of humor. Now that my oldest has moved out, I am making the most of the time with my last brat. I can’t think about how it will feel when’s hes gone too. I recently said, “I’m not fit to love alone. I get on my nerves!”

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I think of this same thing almost daily. Especially after I put them to bed. Did I spend enough time just watching them? Did I hug and kiss them enough? Did they fall asleep knowing how much mommy loves them? Even on the bad days. Great read!

    Liked by 2 people

  26. […] Hug a Brat Today– Skinny and Simple […]

    Liked by 1 person

  27. […] Hug a Brat Today– Skinny and Simple […]

    Liked by 1 person

  28. babyfoote says:

    Oh my goodness! A great reminder; actually I was just looking at Noah’s newborn photos – the past year has flown by in the blink of an eye. I’m trying to take notice of each day!

    Thanks for linking with me on #daysoutwithatoddler:)

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Kaye says:

    I’m a good few years away from this yet but I still think about it all the time! My little one is 2 now and I’m already forgetting everything about how teeny he was. It goes way too fast! Thanks for linking up to Marvellous Mondays. Kaye xo

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Jac Williams says:

    Ahhh I’m going to hug mine when they get in from school.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Mommy A to Z says:

    Aw, that made me tear up! Some days I feel like I’m not cherishing these moments enough, and I know one day I’ll look back and wish I had! Love the honest emotion of this post!

    Liked by 1 person

  32. I love this post, but yet it makes me sad at the same time. My children are 1 and 4 and I can’t imagine the day when they are all grown up. I will be sure to give them even more hugs tomorrow especially when they are throwing their little tantrums. I may just give in to whatever they want:)

    Liked by 1 person

  33. I don’t know why but I do feel guilty for not being with my mother. Though she is not alone. She lives with her sister and they look after each other. I know they are getting old and one day it will be too late to say ‘I did not care for you’, but I do. I care for them – but my relationship with my mother is not an easy one to live with, and it is best to live apart and only reunion once in a very longer time to celebrate being apart. I do understand where you are coming from though. I too don’t want my kids to move out one day as I will always feel they are still and always be my babies. Great post. Thank you very much Kerry-Ann for linking up with #FabFridayPost. x

    Liked by 1 person

  34. bumbismom says:

    My daughter is just over 2 years old and I feel like it is flying by so fast. Great post. Thanks for linking up with the #FabFridayPost

    Liked by 1 person

  35. AWE..yes they grow and they go so fast..our oldest just got married and our second is in Brazil serving a mission…but we keep adding more to the nest so I haven’t felt the sting of it. I miss them don’t get me wrong and I can’t wait to have them all under one roof. I might just melt the day they are all home. BUT life is so busy with all the added little ones that I don’t have any time to dwell on those leaving!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Mine is only 3 but I understand what you mean. They grow so fast! My grandma (who lives to far away to see but once a year) was talking to me the other day and asked me if little E still said “mmm,mmm, good!” after every bite. I had totally forgotten he’d even done that! I wanted to cry and frantically tried to think of everything else I had forgotten. Especially now that he’s officially a “big kid” and only needs my help sometimes. I’m so thankful when he does ask for my help or decides he’s too tired so he’ll actually snuggle. I will be so sad for when he leaves the house. I can’t imagine your pain right now. I will go hug mine the minute I’m able to! Hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Becky, Cuddle Fairy says:

    I think each stage of parenting has its challenges. It’s a good reminder to those who are in the sleepless nights phase to cherish your children when they are small. Once they start school it starts going by far too fast! Thanks so much for linking up with us at #bloggerclubuk x

    Liked by 1 person

  38. hugshomemadegmailcom says:

    Aww I can imagine how you feel, and I know I will be in your position one day. This made me to go kiss my son and hug him harder. You are absolutely right. This picture is amazing and both you and your son are adorable. Thanks for sharing such a nice post. God bless you and your family.

    http://www.hugshomemade.com

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Angela says:

    Love this. It gave me all the mommy feels. I’ll hug 3 brats today. I have 3 year old triplets!

    Liked by 1 person

  40. ShoeboxofM says:

    Love that your comment section is titled “yell at me”!

    I love the idea of remembering and cherishing every minute but it’s just not realistic. We can already see the number of photos diminishing with each subsequent child. We’re too busy running around after them.to document every waking second as we did with our first (live) child.

    We may not be able to be there for them every minute in the way they need us but your post reminds me that these busy times will fade faster than we imagine!

    Our cubs keep having growth spurts and it seems like each day I get back from work they’ve grown again!

    #linkyourlife

    Liked by 1 person

  41. I am trying SO hard to enjoy my children’s life! I am trying to love every minute of it. Sometimes it’s hard though, because having such young kids is very difficult. I don’t want to miss a single moment. So I am starting to try to enjoy the late night feedings and the early mornings. I am trying to not get so hung up on the crazy toddler tantrums or their nautiness. These things just won’t be a big deal in a few years!

    Liked by 1 person

  42. My son is 20 months old. I have a long time before I’ll be in your shoes, but I can imagine my mom feeling this way about me and my sister and I know I will someday soon.:)

    Liked by 1 person

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