Cookies, I get all the cookies! Yes, I can eat them and not put on weight, it’s true. It won’t stop the diabetes from chasing me down the street and pile driving me into the pavement. Still, ALL the cookies, mine.
Peanuts, The Grinch, any one I want. Fifteen times, I’m going to Whoville. You have a problem with that? Boo hoo, Scrooge, boo frickin who.
My tree, my rules. If I want my tree decorated with empty beer cans and Barbie heads, thou shall be done. What colour lights shall I use, blue to go with Barbie’s eyes?
By the way, my turkey wasn’t dead when I put it in the freezer, you can hear it sometimes, late at night.