Feel sorry for me because I’m broke.
Feel sorry for me because when I get stressed, my right eyebrow falls out.
Feel sorry for me because I have an unhealthy obsession with beer.
But please, do not feel sorry for me because I’m single, be JEALOUS!!!
That’s right, that’s what I said.
Be jealous of my freedom, freedom to make my own decisions.
Be jealous of my great ass, I didn’t let myself go because I met someone.
Be jealous of my shaved legs, that’s right, I still shave!!
The funniest thing about my being single is my friends, no, they aren’t attempting to set me up constantly with this fella or that fella. (Why is that, exactly?) If my friends see me talking to a guy, any guy, they start with the whispering, “Oh look, Laura is over there all flirty style, look at Laura go.” All I am actually doing is borrowing a lighter, or talking about my shoes or my unhealthy obsession with my eyebrows. I am not trying to make dates with the men that I’m talking to.
I just need to make a comment to all the married ladies out there. I agree that when you are in love, you wish that everyone around you was in the same boat. You want everyone to be as “happy” as you are claiming to be. Sadly, I don’t believe that you are as happy as you say you are. I know for a fact that many of you miss the single life you once had, you miss the freedom, you miss being broke with one eyebrow, and I know you do. You miss having a reason to shave your legs, paint your toenails and brush your hair. You miss sitting on a toilet without a toddler screaming “Mommy” every thirty seconds, and you miss being able to fart in the living room. Admit it!!!
One day I’ll get married again, I’m sure of it.. Until then, I’m going to stare at my one eyebrow, shave my legs and fart in the living room.