Signs You’re Not An Animal Person

Have you found yourself saying “can you get your dog out of my ass?” That is my biggest problem with dogs. Is it really necessary to shove your nose up my ass just because I walked in the door? Your dog does not have permission to smell me, just so you know.

I really hate it. I hate it as much as I hate looking at your cats anus. That asshole in the face is really annoying and disgusting. Now he’s licking himself on my jacket, that’s awesome.

Between your dog sniffing me and staring at your cat’s ass, I really have a hard time with dog or cat people.

I like turtle people. No, I do not mean the Ninja Turtles, although I do like ninjas. Turtles are harmless and adorable.

I like fish people. A fish tank is very pretty, especially if filled with baby neons, very relaxing.

I like lizard people. When you play with them, you have to wash your hands because they are filthy creatures. Yet, still cute and fun.

Finally, I like snake people. Snakes are fascinating and interesting animals. Plus, if they get loose in your house, they may kill that cat for me.

If dogs and cats were lizards and rats, I would be a very happy woman.