Online Dating Sucks Ass

Online Dating Sucks AssAre there true love stories in the online dating scene? That must work in some way, there are hundreds of sites to choose from, filled with thousands of different men. Pick your interests, add a few statistics, press go and dozens of perfectly matched gentlemen fill your screen. Of course, you weed out those who are twenty years your senior/junior, the ones who are named “lastslong4u” and “luv269”, and of course the ones whose photographs show them with women more beautiful and of course, younger, then you could ever hope to be. This leaves you with a screenful of “soulmates” or so you would think. Where do you go from here? Can’t we just say to them in a group “ok, fellas, line up and let’s see ya.” “nice teeth, good bones, how many hands big” like we are buying our next horse?

Ok, I’d like to smell this one and taste that one, and not one of them has made me laugh since they got here. So do we line up one hundred short dates in the effort to meet the man of our dreams on the internet? Who has the time to drive all these places just to sit with a man with terrible body odour, bad teeth and inevitably, is a liar. Oops, lied about my age, height, weight, morals, values, ethics, sexual orientation, etc. Oh and by the way, I’m married, but my wife doesn’t understand me.

Then… is it the inevitable? Someone sees through the bullshit you are portraying in these profiles and kicks you where it hurts. They manage to find your one weakness and spin you into a delicious fantasy. They send you wonderful, romantic notes and manage to tap into all your unfulfilled desires. They melt you with their sweetness and by completely avoiding any topic of sex, through reverse psychology (his phrase, but useful here), make you want to make love to them all day long. The slightest mention of a kiss causes your breath to catch, and when men talk in poetry, ahh who can resist.

But can you really feel that strong of an attraction to someone you’ve never smelled? or touched? What of a voice, isn’t the sweet rumbling, like soft fur on bare skin, of a man’s voice important? Where is the first connection of eyes, two souls colliding in a shower of sparks and chocolate bars? The initial quiet war of dominance and ownership that the man just has to win?

Does any of this matter in the amazing connection two people can create, just through the sharing of thoughts, the sharing of mind instead of body. With no basic senses to distract you, can your mind soar you to a place where your body can only dream of? Without the initial sexual attraction, does this allow your soul to share truth instead of lies? The lies that are told to increase another’s attraction to one, would never come into play in this situation. A meeting of minds with the most complete and bald honesty is better than, “god he smells good.” Or, “I wish those amazing hands were roaming my body.” Isn’t it? Is it as real as the clashing of eyes, the stamp of possession a man puts on his woman immediately upon meeting her?

When two minds make a connection does it turn to a physical attraction once you meet? My friend said yesterday, ya, you’ll meet him and there will be something wrong with him. But will it matter, won’t my mind and soul allow any imperfections to be overlooked in light of the mental connection we made? Won’t he just automatically smell good and have great hands, because you are practically ready to love him (at least on some level).

Is it possible, though, that he is just a good writer, who can push just the right buttons. It wouldn’t be the first time a man has tricked a woman into sex. How many I love you’s are said in the heat of passion with only one goal in mind. Aren’t most men sexual beings who tend to think only with their little head? Men do not need any emotional attachment to a woman to make love to her and aren’t all romantic gestures just the pathway to sex? So this means all men are not capable of loving at all. That all men use any means necessary to screw you regardless of your feelings. Manipulating a woman to his will, only to tear her heart from her? How ridiculous is it to have that in your head? There must be millions of men capable of genuine romantic feelings, and maybe the ones who can write about it so eloquently, are the ones that really feel it in their heart.

The physical body does not matter, a shared fantasy can become reality with practically no effort. So admittedly, there is a connection of mind, spirit and body. A fusion of two into one, in a week, in an hour, in a moment.  The fantasy became reality and back again. In such a coupling, you know, that it is possible to become one with another. There is hope for the beautiful romance and love that have been in all little girl’s dreams since the beginning of time. But is it in this man? This virtual fantasy man is no more real after meeting him than he was before.

My loser is not on an online dating site, my loser is getting drunk in a bar somewhere.. I’ll find him!

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13 thoughts on “Online Dating Sucks Ass

  1. Very funny, and a little sad ending to this piece. I can attest that it is possible to find both a meeting of minds and sexual attraction. I would say that the emphasis has to be on compatibility of souls/personalities, first. I agree with you that sex has a way of getting in the way, but oh is it fun! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It can be done! I met my fiancé online. Granted, my “It’s raining men” experience with online dating was a shit storm of bipolars, narcoleptics, and chauvinists. I wish I was joking. The irony is that the man I ended up with for the long term was the man I had the shortest correspondence with on the dating site. I love your insight and confidence. Don’t give up hope. You could find your future Mr. Skinny and Single anywhere.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. On line dating does more than sucks its upsetting hurtful depression causing you name it…….not for me!!!!!

    I know a 40+ lady, we met online and it ended good friends, I wrote about the day, in fact we chatted all day and she told me such internet horror stories, some dangerous. I left her feeling quite upset, I’m ok about being single but this lady was desperate to meet someone, oh for the days of my grandparents where people would join clubs, go dancing instead of sitting at home sifting out liars, scammers, fake photos……….

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m an aspiring writer-of all literary trades (journalism, screen writing, satire, etc)-but I want to start a blog for some adult oriented, romantic fantasy literature. Anyone know how I can start a blog that will allow me to do this? I believe I’ll need a warning page before entrance, and I want it to come up on search engines..

    Like

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